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9 Lame Vampires Still Cooler than the Vampires in Twilight
Twilight sucks. Anyone with at least a quarter-brain knows this to be fact. But we're not here to argue the literary merits -- or lack their of -- of a book series completely devoid of anything even remotely close to resembling a well-put-together story or character depth. No, instead we look at Twilight's greatest detriment to pop culture: the complete and utter butchery of the vampire mythos. Vampires drink blood. Human blood, specifically. They don't get to just drink animal blood, go on their hunky dory way without any type of drawback and then make idiotic jokes about being "vegetarians." Vampires stay out of the sunlight lest they burst into flames. They certainly do not sparkle as though somebody blasted them with a shotgun full of rhinestones. Those are called pixies. And as for vampire baseball... fuck you, Meyer. The vampires on this list certainly do not represent the cream of the crop themselves. However, despite their relative lameness they still kick the shit out of Twilight's sorry excuse for the bloodsucking undead.
The 50 Sexiest Canadian Female Celebrities Of All Time
Now that the 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympics are officially over, it means that Canadians can officially return to a life of insignificance. Since we won't be hearing from Canada for another 25-50 years, I figured it was time to send them back into the wilderness in style. Sure Canada doesn't provide anything useful to the rest of the world but they sure have exported some fine celebrity Canadian bacon to America over the years.
10 Surprising Academy Awards Firsts
Come this Sunday night, we're going to bear witness to at least one historic moment at the Academy Awards: The battle between Avatar's James Cameron and The Hurt Locker's Kathryn Bigelow will represent the first time two former spouses have competed for the Best Director trophy. There will likely be other firsts, especially if one of the starlet presenters is asked to pronounce a name like "Janusz Zygmunt Kaminski" (who, actually, has bagged two Cinematography statuettes). So as you prepare your Oscar pools and party foods in advance of the big night, here are 10 other trivia-tastic Academy Award firsts.
5 Celebrities Who’ve Undergone Coronary Bypass Surgery
News of Burt Reynolds’ recent quintuple bypass surgery reminded me of when my Dad had the same operation back in 1997 at the ripe old age of 73. His age plus the dangers of anesthesia plus such a blocked-up ticker prompted the cardiologist to prepare us for the worst, but thanks to a combination of modern medicine and Dad’s upbeat attitude when it comes to hospital stays (it’s better than a hotel because pretty young girls give him sponge baths!) he’s still going strong 13 years later. Here are a few other famous folks who owe their lives to just-in-time heart surgery.
6 Ways Supermarkets Trick You To Spend More Money
Beware of the sneaky ways grocery stores spur spending, and follow our tips to outsmart the system. The trap: Stores internally refer to this as the “chill zone.” And with good reason: This spot primes shoppers with impulse buys like DVDs, bulk goods and holiday products that appeal to them emotionally, says Kit Yarrow, a psychology and marketing professor at Golden Gate University in San Francisco. It’s designed to make you consider buying, say, a carton of soda for an impromptu barbecue.
13 Fantastically Fun & Frightening Eco-Infographics
Nothing puts the imminent threat of rising seas or the size of the Great Pacific Garbage Patch into perspective quite like an effective information graphic. Infographics make complex data or information much more accessible, which definitely comes in handy when you’re trying to make sense of things like the half-formed arguments of global warming skeptics. Some of these great eco-infographics are scary, others are hopeful or humorous, but they’re all really effective.
Wait, what was I writing about? The Five Types Of Potheads.
Marijuana brings out the best and worst of everyone. At times, you could encounter the pothead that is always a joy to be around that will get the whole group laughing, or you could end up smoking with the guy who doesn’t shut up and thinks he’s hilarious just because everyone else is high enough to wear Orion’s Belt.
The 10 Greatest Alignment Charts of All Time
As people paid to read the Internet all day, (hard work! No, actually.) we can tell you definitively that Alignment Charts seem to be blowing up all over the place lately. Today alone we’ve seen The Big Lebowski, Alice in Wonderland, and Dr. Who take the Web by (missile) storm. Here’s the thing: they’re not really a new meme. For those not familiar with them, alignment charts draw from classic Dungeons & Dragons, breaking characters down by two axes: Law-Chaos (lawful, neutral and chaotic) and Good-Evil (good, evil, and neutral). An alignment chart in meme terms, then, is a 3×3 grid comprised of nine characters from a given movie, game, or other pop culture happening.
The 10 Funniest Moments In Red Carpet History
They say you have to sell your soul to the devil in order to be successful Hollywood, so it makes sense that you have to walk down a red carpet to receive an award. The red carpet symbolizes the blood that people in Hollywood sucked from good people in order to succeed and it also symbolizes the people who were probably secretly murdered and stuffed in a trunk in order to make certain projects happen. Why? Because the devil wouldn't have it any other way.
7 Steps to Prepare Financially for Disasters
If you think your household finances are invulnerable to disaster, think again. Just one flood, fire, earthquake or tornado could wipe out your life savings. Before misfortune hits, it's vital to secure your finances from unexpected events of nature.
Top 10 World War II TV Series
World War II might be the "popular" war, but it's rarely the subject of popular TV series. Of course, Hogan's Heroes and McHale's Navy had long runs in the 1960s, but the military battlefield is covered with dead bodies of short-lived WWII dramas -- and a few comedies. And since the 1960s, the subject matter of war has largely been ignored in TV series. There are a few exceptions: M*A*S*H (Korean War); China Beach and Tour of Duty (Vietnam War). On Sunday, March 14, 2010 at 9pm ET/PT, HBO premieres the first installment of its 10-part WWII miniseries, The Pacific. In honor of this event, TV Tango selected the top 10 World War II TV sitcoms and dramas. No miniseries. No TV movies. No documentaries. Just scripted TV series.